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Saturday, August 21, 2010 Y 11:08 AM

I am unhappy because you didn't tell me that you were unhappy with me, but instead you chose to expressed your unhappiness and anger towards me with rudeness. Answering my questions unhappily when I missed half of the talk and I just wanted to clarify things, and deliberately shifting your chair in front with your back facing me so that you could avoid talking to me, and by walking a different route from me when we were going home, DOES NOT MAKES ME HAPPY.

I would have rather that you expressed your unhappiness towards me directly, by telling me that you were offended or whatever, in which I also have no idea how I offended you. All I asked was a favour from you to help me, as I was really busy and trying to finish off my work as well. I don't think it would have hurt to just pop by the computer to check if the TA is really there doing work and called her to come over to fetch patients back, when you were done with work right? Perhaps I have offended you in another manner, which I wouldn't know what it was as you did not express it to me.

Moreover, I didn't think it was really professional of you to demonstrate such behaviours towards me. I'm sure you will meet people along in work which you may be unhappy with their actions or behaviours, but does that means you will alienate them? Please grow up, I would have really preferred that you insulted me or told me off in my face rather than using such behaviours to hurt me. If your intention was to use such behaviours to show me that you were not happy about me, there, you have done it very well, so much so to the extent that you hurt me.

I really think you are a nice person but I really do not think such behaviours should be tolerated. I see no reason why should I be the one who go and try to talk to you to resolve such issues. Everyone has to take initiative and responsibilities if they dealt with situations that makes them upset. For all you know, I can treat you back the same way as how you treated me. However, as I trust that you are a good worker and a nice person, I respect that you have the right to be upset with me or showed me anger BUT I do not condone the aspect of such behaviours.

My only advice to you is: PlEASE GROW UP, this is real life, adults don't demonstrate childish behaviours when they are faced with difficult people. If you have a problem with me, tell me in my face. I would have preferred that you slap me in my face with words than slap me in my self esteem with your behaviours. I am very sure, if I were to do the same thing back to you, you would have felt very hurt and ridiculed by my actions. The worst thing was, I'm really upset because I really think you are a great person and I didn't expect that you would have dealt with unhappy situations like that. It hurts even more when you think someone is great as compared to when you think someone is horrible.

I really felt like crying that day when it happened and till now, I still felt very depressed about it. I really wondered am I such a terrible person such that you have to treat me that way? Maybe I am, maybe I am not. Maybe it was my fault for pissing you off. I accept whatever responsibilities I have if I pissed you off. Whatever it is, I hope I will start feeling better on especially it is my last week here in current work place. It took me a painstaking amount of time to decide whether I should renew or move on to do something that I may like more, and now that I have decided, things weren't really easy for the last few weeks. I am not really looking forward now to my last week as really, I felt I wasn't being appreciated as a colleague after all, owing to your behaviours. Whatever it is, I decided to pen it down and try to let it go. It is my last week and I do not want to feel like shit throughout. I had a really depressing weekend, but thanks to friends who tried to get me out and cheered me up, I was feeling a little better.

It hasn't been easy the past few weeks and months, struggling to deal with a addicted parent figure, a emotional consultant, a MSW who does not knows her work and with all the workload that I had. It has been a great blow to my self esteem as I constantly queried whether I am a good OT and whether I should just give it up. I hope I made the right decision. It hasn't made it any easier now that I felt like no one had really appreciated me. Perhaps it was all my negative thinking, perhaps it is not.

Whatever it is, I decided to let it go. Wish me good luck ahead for the last week and for the new endeavor I am partaking.


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