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Friday, August 27, 2010 Y 10:24 AM

Today marks the last day I'm with my current organisation. It has a been a wonderful year, and it was painful to make a decision but I really need to move on. Feeling restless and longing to go back to the community setting.

It was up until the last day that I realised that I had a good OT after all. I had a great year, great colleagues and great patients (not all of them).

Thank you for the wonderful simple lunch by people who were my dearest working partners. I appreciate it alot.

Next on agenda, to sign the new letter and move on to new place =)

Saturday, August 21, 2010 Y 11:08 AM

I am unhappy because you didn't tell me that you were unhappy with me, but instead you chose to expressed your unhappiness and anger towards me with rudeness. Answering my questions unhappily when I missed half of the talk and I just wanted to clarify things, and deliberately shifting your chair in front with your back facing me so that you could avoid talking to me, and by walking a different route from me when we were going home, DOES NOT MAKES ME HAPPY.

I would have rather that you expressed your unhappiness towards me directly, by telling me that you were offended or whatever, in which I also have no idea how I offended you. All I asked was a favour from you to help me, as I was really busy and trying to finish off my work as well. I don't think it would have hurt to just pop by the computer to check if the TA is really there doing work and called her to come over to fetch patients back, when you were done with work right? Perhaps I have offended you in another manner, which I wouldn't know what it was as you did not express it to me.

Moreover, I didn't think it was really professional of you to demonstrate such behaviours towards me. I'm sure you will meet people along in work which you may be unhappy with their actions or behaviours, but does that means you will alienate them? Please grow up, I would have really preferred that you insulted me or told me off in my face rather than using such behaviours to hurt me. If your intention was to use such behaviours to show me that you were not happy about me, there, you have done it very well, so much so to the extent that you hurt me.

I really think you are a nice person but I really do not think such behaviours should be tolerated. I see no reason why should I be the one who go and try to talk to you to resolve such issues. Everyone has to take initiative and responsibilities if they dealt with situations that makes them upset. For all you know, I can treat you back the same way as how you treated me. However, as I trust that you are a good worker and a nice person, I respect that you have the right to be upset with me or showed me anger BUT I do not condone the aspect of such behaviours.

My only advice to you is: PlEASE GROW UP, this is real life, adults don't demonstrate childish behaviours when they are faced with difficult people. If you have a problem with me, tell me in my face. I would have preferred that you slap me in my face with words than slap me in my self esteem with your behaviours. I am very sure, if I were to do the same thing back to you, you would have felt very hurt and ridiculed by my actions. The worst thing was, I'm really upset because I really think you are a great person and I didn't expect that you would have dealt with unhappy situations like that. It hurts even more when you think someone is great as compared to when you think someone is horrible.

I really felt like crying that day when it happened and till now, I still felt very depressed about it. I really wondered am I such a terrible person such that you have to treat me that way? Maybe I am, maybe I am not. Maybe it was my fault for pissing you off. I accept whatever responsibilities I have if I pissed you off. Whatever it is, I hope I will start feeling better on especially it is my last week here in current work place. It took me a painstaking amount of time to decide whether I should renew or move on to do something that I may like more, and now that I have decided, things weren't really easy for the last few weeks. I am not really looking forward now to my last week as really, I felt I wasn't being appreciated as a colleague after all, owing to your behaviours. Whatever it is, I decided to pen it down and try to let it go. It is my last week and I do not want to feel like shit throughout. I had a really depressing weekend, but thanks to friends who tried to get me out and cheered me up, I was feeling a little better.

It hasn't been easy the past few weeks and months, struggling to deal with a addicted parent figure, a emotional consultant, a MSW who does not knows her work and with all the workload that I had. It has been a great blow to my self esteem as I constantly queried whether I am a good OT and whether I should just give it up. I hope I made the right decision. It hasn't made it any easier now that I felt like no one had really appreciated me. Perhaps it was all my negative thinking, perhaps it is not.

Whatever it is, I decided to let it go. Wish me good luck ahead for the last week and for the new endeavor I am partaking.

Monday, August 16, 2010 Y 7:48 AM

Some people are just born and lived in very different worlds. Some people just have very different expectations about life and matters. Some people strive and aim for different goals. Some people are just not meant to be friends or lovers.

It is not worth trying to keep two different persons in a relationship, be it friends or lovers, if you are so different. You will just end up suffocating and feeling miserable.

I had been miserable for a few times, whether it was due to love or friends. Sometimes, some things and people are just worth giving up as being together will not bring about happiness. I have given up a few people before, and I refer to friends and lovers. So I regretted but as I grow older, I learned that perhaps letting these people go had been the wisest choices made.

Some people you don't see them often but they will be there if you need it. Some people, no matter how much you talk to them, they just expect you to be something they wanted.

Thank you my friends, who are still there, no matter how frequent we meet, how far we are. Thank you for not expecting me to be someone you wanted. Thank you for being there by accepting who I am. Thank you for never asking for the impossible. You know I may not see you all often but I will stand through for you took me for what I am.

Saturday, August 14, 2010 Y 11:09 AM

Great Things that happened recently:

1) A nice dim sum lunch at Yum Cha. Finally, after so long!
2) Been trying to swim religiously every weekend
3) Going on a tour in Sept...although couldn't manage to get to go to Hong Kong/Taiwan/Korea as it coincides with the holiday period, and it was so expensive! Nevertheless, we will be going to Malaysia!
4) Inception....best movie that got me incepted =) and got me hooked on to Joseph Gordon-Levitt.
5) A Team...I haven't watch a good action movie with soldiers in it for some time
6) A new charger for my Iphone. Yes, finally one that holds it properly and it cost only $45!
7) KTV-ing with Mom and her friends. Although the age group was slightly older, I still got a chance to sing.
8) Baking Life, the newest game that sparked my interest in FB.
9) New Clark shoes, so no more painful heels and no pain at the ball of the sole. Shoes are really important, especially shoes with good support when you work in a physical setting.
10) Met up and meeting up with JC friends, haven't seen them for so long, it's great to catch up!
11) My hair is growing longer, somehow it just makes me happy to see it growing longer. Not that I dislike short hair, I just like the feeling of seeing my hair grow longer BUT I also like the feeling of cutting away super long hair.
12) Left 4 Dead 2, I got to play it last weekend and I'm so happy, haven't touched it for long. This weekend, I missed it again but I hope I get a chance to play it again sometime next week!
13) Ate real good ramen from Ippudo and Santouka, especially Santouka, has one of my favourite and best shouyo ramen now! The other favourite would be miso ramen at Tampopo!
14) Found a really nice dessert place at Nectarine, Clarke Quay.
15) Started wearing contact lens again after so many years. Hopefully the new brand is more moisturising for my eyes.

Look forward to each day and count the blessings and positive things that happened and that I have. It's a great way to keep one optimistic, isn't it?

Tuesday, August 10, 2010 Y 10:08 AM

Feeling restless and sleepless. Breaking out in cold sweat from illness. Feeling burnout that I still have tons to do. Simply.....tired.

Y 2:27 AM

I had the strangest long weekend, and it made me realized that, I have grown up and am able to handle difficult situations. Throw me in any dire situations and I would have been able to handle it.

It was supposed to be a day trip to Batam but it turned out to be days trip. In the start, we had been delayed for our massage appointment due to the long queue at the Immigration counter. Then, our designated driver did not turned up at the expected timing to drive us to the ferry centre, followed by a massive jam at Nagoya Hill. In the end, we missed our ferry ride and had to stay over in Batam for a night.

So we had to drive around the whole night, for 3 hours, trying to look for a hotel, when each and every hotel we went to was full, except one dodgy hotel which had half naked Indian men walking around the hotel and demanded twice the amount of the room charges as deposit and someone's passport! What kinda deal is that? Thankfully, we managed to find a hotel finally, and it was 4 star hotel some more.

I would have to say we had been real lucky. The cab driver who drove us to the ferry and around the place to look for a hotel was really patient and nice. We were thankful that he appeared when we called for a cab and compared to the dodgy black cab, which looked like those type of cars used for kidnapping people, his car looked really brightly lit and decent. We were lucky to met an Uncle at the dodgy hotel, who offered his help to us, helping us to translate and helping us to call his friends to check for available hotels. Although, he seemed dodgy too, to be carrying lotsa of Indonesian cash and wanted to exchange money with us to help us with the deposit. Still, he kind to lend us his help.

I have to say, I am strangely puzzled by my reaction. Everyone else, except Sharon and me, were really pissed and irritated but the 2 of us tried to crap our way through to lighten the mood up. Yeah, I was afraid that I may have to sleep on the streets and that I am in a foreign land, but I managed to stay calm all the way and tried to be optimistic. I didn't have my toiletries or my towel, but I just make do with whatever I had in the hotel to shower and get fresh. I didn't have much cash with me but we got by with a credit card. I didn't have connection to Singapore, I couldn't call out but I managed to send a message to my family to assure them I am safe. Yes, it may sound like it's a piece of cake to face those troubles I mentioned but seriously, not all girls could do it, don't you agree?

Thinking back, I felt that the whole experience was a good learning experience and I had fun from it. Yes, it was really tiring and worrisome, but I learned and I enjoyed it.

I enjoyed my long weekend, because I learned and experienced something new and I also gotten time with my friends and family. I had a great weekend, what about you?


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