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Wednesday, September 19, 2007 Y 7:57 AM


When I was a little child, my mom and family members bought me all sorts of fairytales storybooks. I grew up, reading all about different fairytales. I always remembered the story of "The Ugly Duckling". When I looked into the mirror when I was a little child, I was thinking "I'm so small, thin and short, and so ugly. Will I look like those pretty girls that I see on tv last time?". And the story of the ugly duckling came to mind, and I smiled back at the mirror, thinking to myself "Well, I'm an ugly duckling now, but I'll grow up to be a beautiful swan".

Then it came the teens time, where I read all sort of storybooks on romance, watched alot of romantic serial and drama. You know how fairytales always had a happy ending? Stories I read in my teens time too had happy endings too. People are always happily in love and happily every after together. And I always think that maybe some day, I will be happily in love, and happily ever after.

Truth is, fairytales or love stories are deceiving. They don't tell you the real thing, the other side of things, that not all everyone grows up to a beautiful swan or not everyone will be happily ever after.

As I grow older, I saw more things, twisted fairytales that show you darker side of things, which is pretty much, more real to human nature. Some people just stay ugly, some people are just commoners, no princesses, no princes to take you away, you can't sleep away for 100 years, or wait for a prince to kiss you to awaken you. Neither will there be princes running after you even though you decided to dump your legs and go for a tail in the ocean. And I saw love stories that doesn't have a happy ending. People don't necessarily end up together. There's tears in love, rather than just happiness. That people are divorced, seeing a marriage counsellor, having affairs.

I never became a beautiful swan, neither did I find a perfect Prince Charming, nor did some Prince saw me as the most beautiful person ever.

And then recently, I saw "Secret". It's such a nice show that I can cry watching it. Truth is, you know this kinda of love only existed in films. Do you think there will ever be someone who loves you so much just to go back to the past to be with you? Human relationships have become so much fragile nowadays, it's just so hard to believe in it anymore. Humans have became superficial, looking out for beauty outside the person, and not within the person.

I'm not a swan, but I'm like a nut. It looks horrible on the outside, dark and dull shell, it doesn't looks nice inside too, but when you taste it, it is really delicious. It looks real hard to crack but it's really fragile, you can shattered it into pieces anytime.

Or at least, this is what I'm trying to convince myself that I am.

I don't have a Prince Charming, but I have a Prince with Flaws. That's life, no one is perfect, you cannot be always be in happiness and living together happily ever after.


Tuesday, September 18, 2007 Y 7:56 PM


I was told to write an article on the visit to Esplanade on the 9/92007. I'm not a writer and I had been racking my brains since morning to come up with something. Funny that I am actually a member of the IMH Link Committee, which supposingly I should write articles. I still remembered the fear I had when I was asked to join that committee. I nearly pulled my hair out trying to write and article for my department, to describe our services. Here's what I managed for the Esplanade outing, nothing too fantastic though.




A Beautiful Sunday at Esplanade 9/9/2007

Amidst the quiet surroundings of IMH, there was a bustling of activity going on in front of Occupational Therapy Department. A group of patients and OT staff are getting ready for their visit to Esplanade. The liason between IMH and Esplanade has opened up more pathways for mental health patients to integrate into the community; being closer and amidst the public, enjoying concerts and strolling along the beautiful waterfront at Esplanade, and taking in every sight of the Beautiful Singapore.

The whole journey was properly plan and coordinated, with assistance from the helpful and lovely staff of Esplanade. There were a group of ushers waiting at the entrance of Esplanade as patients got down the bus, ushering them through the busy mall and to the concert hall. The performance of the day was by the Singapore Youth Chinese Orchestra. During the one hour performance, you could see our patients clapping away happily with the others, mesmerized by the wonderful music played and smiling away at each other.

There was also a short stroll along the waterfront of Esplanade, where patients were ecstatic to see the Singapore signature, The Merlion, and the new floating stage and ferris wheel. As the walk was coming to an end and we were to head back to IMH, everyone gathered together for a final group photo shot. Smiling brightly at the camera, with eyes twinkling, memories of a Beautiful Sunday at Esplanade were captured in a flash.


Y 1:35 AM


WAITING is endless, you can wait and wait and wait you don't know what you are waiting for will ever come. You can be proactive but how proactive can you go? Some things even if you are proactive enough, you are still waiting.

Wait till the cows come home, the sun set, the ice has melted, and whatever you have waited for still has not come.


Monday, September 17, 2007 Y 8:32 AM


Woke up early early on Sat morning at 9 am. Slept only at 5.30am previously, was so tired and drained.

After some round of smsing and me offering to hold a small funeral for Dodo's hammie, everyone decided to pop over to Krisie's house in the afternoon, firstly because she has plantar fasciitis, secondly just because we wanna go to her house and play, thirdly to play with her dog too.

So we reached her house at 4pm. I was the first to reach, saw Ernest on his way back and he let me in first. Sausage's reaction was immediate, started barking at me and came running to me like as if he wanna pounced on me. After awhile, he started settling down and started his usual hand licking business. The same thing happened again when Doreen came into the house. He didn't pounced on Denise, cause he recognised her but he pounced on Doreen and started barking at her ferociously. Finally he settled down and followed us all around.

He was really cute! Gave me that "puss in boots" look when we were eating and he couldn't eat our food, make you really wanna relent and give him some food. In the end, we gave him some dog treats which he finished up so fast, and he ate some of the fries and nuggets. He's an attention seeker, kept coming to us to lie down by our side and kept licking us. Haha, super cute!


The cute little Sausage with his Mummy!



We sang ktv at Krisie's house and played mahjong. Krisie's mahjong set is from us, so pretty! Stayed till 9 plus then went over to Ken's house. Felt so tired by the time I reached his house, and fell asleep early, well 1 am considered early right? At least earlier than him la. He complained that I was talking nonsense to him during my sleep, where got? I don't rem talking nonsense.

Went to watch Rogue Assasin on Sunday, very very cruel show, so many killings and awful killings and lotsa fighting and blood. Like the twist in the show though. I thought I will sleep cause I didn't like "The One" by Jet Li but this was okay, I stayed awake and actually understood the show.

Caught "Shooter" afterwards, I must admit I was never interested when Ken went to watch it alone. I was happy that he didn't ask me cause I think I will sleep inside. To my surprise, I actually finished the whole show and I was impressed and interested in the show. I'm amazed at how far they can shoot someone, as if the sniper. Wow, really interesting yeah.

I think I was really tired, till I fell asleep at his house again at 10 plus. Haha some stupid incident happened and he keeps laughing at me over it, meanie!

Btw, I injured my hip muscles, I walk with a limp now, with difficulties climbing stairs. Boo. I don't even know what I did.


Friday, September 14, 2007 Y 10:43 AM


Went out with Denise on Friday, went to this HK cafe in Taka for dinner. Hee, took photos of what we ate. Denise got the cheesy thingy while she recommended me the beef hor fun. We all drank milk tea too. I tried Marina Square, Cineleisure and Taka HK cafe before. I think the best was Cineleisure. The food at Marina's was good too but the service sucks so terribly that I have doubts stepping in again. The service at Cine was not bad plus the food was good. The food at Taka HK Cafe is so so only, just realised I have been there before, 1 year plus ago, with JY but it didn't register on me that I went there before.


This is what I ate, HK Style Fried Beef Hor Fun. The thingy in the centre is French toast.



This is what Denise ate, Chicken chop cheese baked rice.



This are our milk tea! Yummylicious!


Poor Denise lost her micro SD card, dunno how she managed to actually lose it. She didn't even how it looked like and that her memory card is gone from the slot. Fortunately got me to help her. Bought the card from Singtel shop afterwards. Haha, I asked her whether got any special videos inside, in case someone picks it out and it becomes like Tammy's hoo ha. Hahahaha.

We went over to Cine afterwards, wanted to sit down at TCC but realised TCC is gone! It was replaced by New Urban Male. So we decided to go over to Cafe Cartel but it's gone too! It's replaced by some BBQ Chicken. Hmm so in the end, we settled down for NYDC at Heeren. Walked so much and everything is gone. So weird. So that was our last stop for the outing.

P.S: Thank you Denise for accompanying me. You were so great to spend time with me!


Thursday, September 13, 2007 Y 10:53 AM


Find out what is your love language!

http://www.greaterquest.com/LoveLanguages.asp

Mine is:
Score Love Language
6 Words of Affirmation
10 Quality Time
2 Receiving of Gifts
8 Acts of Service
4 Physical Touch


How to interpret your Profile Score:

Your highest score indicates your primary love language. Your second highest score indicates your secondary love
language. If two scores are identical, you are bilingual (you have two primary love languages). If the scores of your
primary and your secondary language are close (for example, 10 & 9 respectfully), it indicates both are important to
you. Whatever a significant other does to express love in either of these languages will get emotional points with you.
The highest possible score for any language is 12.

Having a clear picture of your primary & secondary love languages will explain much of your past behavior Think back
over the past and ask yourself "What have I most often requested from significant others?" Chances are your answer
will lie within the scope of your primary & secondary love languages. You have been requesting that which would meet
your deepest need for emotional love.



So people, you know how to show your love to me now???



Thanks Jar Jar Binks, Big Moo Moo and Hammie for your kind words and great insight and patience in hearing me out and reframing my perspective. Hey BF, I know it has not been easy for anyone of us, but we will work things out okay?

My small eyes hurt from crying too much, been feeling dry recently, must be all the crying. My mom and grandparents use to tell me if I cry too much, my eyes will become smaller and not pretty haha.


Y 8:15 AM


When you reach the brink of crying and feeling so upset, you tell yourself all you wanna do is give up.


Y 1:44 AM


I feel mental, like I'm gg crazy, trying to keep sane but yet breaking down at moments.


Wednesday, September 12, 2007 Y 12:50 PM


Got myself a new IE version 7.0. Played with it at Ken's house on Tuesday and I really like it. Kinda like my Mozilla, which is my personal favourite. Now trying to access everything with it haha, but Mozilla is still my favourite lah. I must admit it's much faster than the old IE. And some things that doens't comes up in Mozilla, it can load it. Woohoo! New things always fascinates me.


Y 10:40 AM


I realised I complained alot and I cry alot, but it makes me happy to see him to be well, healthy and rested. It makes me happy to see him feel happy and to be like his normal energetic self.

Sometimes it's just looking beyond expectations and enjoying the happiness that comes with it. So I didn't have something that I wanted, but I'm enjoyed simple moments. Sometimes when you let go of your expectations a bit and relooked in a different angle, you'll find things that makes you satisfied too.

I teared softly when you said sorry, not because I'm angry but because I'm really appreciative that you said sorry and that you have so many problems to face. I felt that for all the feelings I have been feeling, you swept it all away with a simple sorry. Being there beside you and seeing how you get elated over simple things makes my day brighter.


Tuesday, September 11, 2007 Y 8:53 AM


It feels best to:

Cry yourself to sleep............








And I have been doing that for 2 nights. Totally the best.

Updated: Ended up watching Deuce Bigalow instead, funnily gross.


Y 7:42 AM


Hotel 1929


A stay at or visit to 1929 is much like being in a playhouse cum retro museum. Love it or hate it, you're compelled to explore every quirky nook of this non hotel-looking hotel. Located on Keong Saik Road in China town, it's a consolidation of five shop houses built in 1929 (hence, the name) and houses 32 rooms. 1929 is old-world-architecture meet nouveau-chic-interiors. What it lacks in spaciousness, it makes up for in whimsical flair. No two room are alike, and each comes kitted out with a somewhat incongruous pairing of classic designer and funky vintage furniture, with tech-age amenities. So while you're lounging on the vintage Earnes LCW and DCM chairs from 1946, you can also fiddle with the state-ofothe-art flat screen Phillips LCD TV, clock radio CD player, digital phones and broadband connections.

Head down to the reception area, and you'll find an old fashioned barber's chair and first edition Hans Wagner "Bear" chair, purely there for aesthetic reasons, and not meant to be sat on. Unique furnishing and cosy clubby/homey atmosphere aside, the walls are lined with black and white archival photos of colonial Singapore, courtesy of the National Archives. Some quests find it spooky, others think it's quaint.

S & S CUBICLE it's a tight squeeze in here, just enough standing room for a quick shower, and butt space on the porcelain throne. Come inspired moments, management refers to it endearingly as the "shit and shower". Still, the hotel tries to make guests' ablutions a pleasurable, if not exactly comfortable experience. For one, each cubicle comes with two shower heads, a regular handheld set, and a special Rainforest shower head designed by Grohe, which delivers powerful spritz -- you'll emerge, feeling like you'd had a refreshing acupressure massage. What's more, it doesn't spray about, so the toilet seat stays relatively dry. Another thoughtful touch: the glass doors of cubicles in all double rooms are designed with a strip of frosted paneling in the middle, for privacy. For single rooms, it's all clear glass. According to management, "Even couples don't want to be seen by their other half doing No. 2. It's a personal thing."

LOBBY LOUNGE It's like stepping into a time capsule, back to a psychedelic retro living room. Cheery vintage furnishings abound : A pair of Poul Volther 'Corona' chairs, Arne Jacobsen 'Swan' and 'Egg' chairs, and a plush, so-soft-you-can-sleep-in-it purple. Mongolian rug thrown over a Joseph Hoffman 'Kubus' 1910 sofa. For those with near acrobatic balance and a small behind, there's even a vintage bicycle stool perch on. Instead of the usual awkward loitering common in most hotel lobbies, this one is just the sort in which you wouldn't mind whiling away the minutes or hours waiting for a tardy date. In the afternoons, when it's quite, a few casual corporate meetings are held right there, with staff serving drinks from the hotel's restaurant next door.

RESTAURANT EMBER The only modern, minimalist part of the hotel. Lots of wood,split level design, and quirky mirror panels strung like a puzzle with a series of random pieces piced together into a multitextured, reflective wall. Again, like the rest of 1929, it begs to be used for a party. For $1,000 you can book the whole 45-seater restaurant for a private function. What's more, there's room for a DJ on the upper platform.. The man behind the kitchen is ex-Marmalade chef Sebastian Ng, who whips up European fare with an Asian touch, with lots of pasta, game meats and seafood.
Quotes from 8 Days



My first budget hotel stay ever, been dying to try it out. If you recall some of my blog posts, I have posted a few hotels before, mainly Scarlet Hotel, 1929 and New Majestic Hotel and this is one of the few hotels in Singapore that I have been dying to go to. I'm fascinated by the cute little chairs they have in the hotel, not in my room but in the lobby. Took some photos of it as well.


I love the cute little love shapes on the pillow!


I love the chair on the left, it's this orangey chair that can turn and it's super comfy!


Barber Chair!

I got the standard room and it was really small, enough to accommodate a queen size bed, one medium table, one bedside table, one TV and one bathroom and sink. No cabinets for hanging clothes but there is this extension at the wall with hangers and there are storage space underneath the bed. The bed is really comfy but a little high too, nearly fall off when I first get off from it. My room view was nothing much, it was facing the streets, but you can open up the windows to the little balcony and watch over the other streets.

Honestly, I would have enjoyed my stay, but I think I pretty wasted it totally. It sucks to just watch your bf sleeps away and you have to self entertain yourself. I was really disappointed, didn't enjoy a single bit at all. I think I could have done more, make it more fun and memorable but it ain't memorable a bit at all except for the cute little vintage chairs. It felt so sad when I went to bed at 12am and I lie on my side of the bed, facing the wall, crying softly and trying very hard to sleep, and there was my bf snoring away, didn't even capturing a single bit of my emotions. It's like any other days we spend with each other and we are supposed to be on a break. Speaking about it and blogging it makes me feel like crying too, yeah I know, I'm some cry baby or sentimental freak but truly, I was really really disappointed.

On a lighter note, I went to a nice Austrian Restaurant for dinner. It's called Wiener Kaffeehaus.

http://www.wienerkaffeehaus.com.sg/wk_main.php

I had the classic Wiener Schnitzel and he had a beef stew with frankfurt (I couldn't get the dish name from the webbie). I had Vienna Ice Chocolate too and Wiener Apfel Strudel. The owner of the restaurant was even sitting beside us when we were there! Went through the restaurant and saw that they sell coffee making equipments too and different type of Austrian wine and coffee.

Had complimentary breakfast in the hotel restaurant, Ember. Was served with scrambled egges, sausage, bacon, potatoes and beans. We can also self help ourselves to the mini buffet that consists of cereals, bread and porridge. The food was okay, not bad, but I'm reminiscing more about the Austrian and French food I had recently.

Did something today that I haven't done it before, interesting experience, embarrassed slightly but an unique one, which was also kinda boring (mainly due to some reason). Well, an eye opener, for someone who hasn't experience such things before.



Overall, 2 days has passed since my holidays and I didn't really enjoyed it alot. I do enjoy the good times, but that's just like you know, any other days where we have gone out and do things together. Every moment spent is precious and important, I don't know whether I'm looking out too much or what, but I just keep feeling alot of disappointment and I feel very sad too. Every moment spent was in a rush, am I not supposed to be on a break? I was crying alot when I was blogging this post. Perhaps what I was feeling yesterday was weighing me down alot, kept having this feeling that I should just say what I feel out but why spoil the fun? Till when I really sit down then I feel it all coming back to me in a flood. Or maybe I was disappointed cause I heard so many sweet things and promises but yet and yet again, failed to see it happening?


Sunday, September 9, 2007 Y 9:11 AM


It was the longest Friday that I ever had on the 7/9/07. I started off at 8.00am with my usual routine, so many things to do and rush, ended work at 7.15pm and rushed off to NYP for meeting till 8.05pm. I worked for nearly 12 hours that day, well I do work longer hours when I have council meetings. But I am drained, rushing to finish work before I go on my leave happily, telling everyone not to contact me as I will not be contactable. I definitely need a break from work, feeling burnout. Geraldine lent me a book on "The Joy of Burnout" and I counted the signs and symptoms I have and I have alot of them!

Feeling exhausted, and always feeling that I'm not sleeping enough, no energy to drag myself up in the morning to go to work. Work no longer seem to be happy and I look forward to it, but rather it's dreadful. I hate the polictics I face at work too, makes me feel real tired. Everyday, I travel home, drained of all energy, the first thing that I do when I hit the bus is I passed out on the bus. Now, I don't even have energy to take bus, my brain just feel so so so so tired.

Anyway, as Friday passes over, I was glad, I felt relieved of some pressure. Mr Lim brought me to a very nice and rather affordable French cafe at Serene Centre, La Petite Cafe. He read it on Sunday Times and brought me there to try it out. I had a Duck Leg Au Gratin (duck leg and potatos) and he had ravioli. We got the set which comes with the mushroom soup. The food was really good, simply savoury, you could taste every single bit of the different tastes in it. As I was eating it, I got reminded of Remy in Ratatouille saying that when you combine food together, you just simply get a burst of sensation. Which I kinda felt it when I was eating the food.

The ambience was pretty nice too, amongst greenery, actually it was mostly plants...not very fantastic for scenary but decent enough. We popped over to Island Creamery for desserts afterwards. Guess what I found there? Kris's favourite baked ALASKA! The one that inspired me so much that I have been trying to find it (without going through the expense of ordering a $80 ++ main course just to eat it). Yeah, all Kris need for this is alcohol and fire to create her burning alaska. Had Reversi O (chocolate) and Nutella ice cream too, simply full of tastes of chocolate and nutella!

Went back to his home and I watched Bourne Identity. People start with it first, but I start with the last movie first and this 2nd. I have no idea when it was filmed but Matt Damon looked like a kid compared to the Bourne Ultimatum's character. It was good, didn't expect that I would find it nice. Cause you know, Casino Royale totally bored me out! Well I caught that on Fri with my patients and I nearly fell asleep, goes to show James Bond movie is not my type. Well, but I did feel very drained out after watching it, maybe I was tired from the previous night, which I slept at 4am, watching High School Musical with XM till late or early.

So when everyone was getting ready to go out on Sunday or still sleeping away, I woke up and went to work, yes first time on a Sunday. Organised an outing to Esplanade for out patients. It started with me thinking of a place for outing, and then I saw this email regarding the liason partnership with Esplanade, and then I thought, "Hey why not just ask is it possible?". Then it became so big till it became a big group outing on Sunday. So Jay T, Eunice, Geraldine, Chiu Ling, Eliz, Wendy, Ivy and LS came to help out today. Brought 39 patients out on 2 buses. Although it seemed like we had a lot of staff and only 39 patients, it was totally chaotic with so many bypassers around! Totally drained out energy out trying to ensure we didn't lose anyone. However, it all went well, the timing was perfect and we still got things going. Enjoyed myself in the concert too, now then I know they have Beautiful Sunday which is free entry.

Rushed off to Causeway Point and met up with Ting and Xiaowen. Went to Crystal Jade for dinner, had nice dumplings, pork chops in tomato sauce (pork chops! yummy!), lovely vegetables and brinjal (slurp!). Then we popped over to Swensons for ice cream. Xw saw my earrings and was tempted by it, so I brought her to the push cart and she bought 3 lovely pairs of earrings. We had so much fun joking, laughing and talking about silly stuff. Missed all this sessions with the girls. Got updated on so many things! Ting is now in NIE and gg to be a teacher and XW is back to CCTV business again! And some more she is talking about driving! Great to catch up with the girls, hope to catch up again in Oct and then I can pass XW her prezzie too!

Official 1st day of my leave on Monday! Hail to me! I'm gg to enjoy it to my fullest!


Wednesday, September 5, 2007 Y 8:55 AM


You know how some people just make your inferiority complex goes way up high? Like skyscrapers that high? Yeah, it's this bunch of tactless and brainless people that makes you feel that way?

Come on, a 167cm tall female, with a 34C cup, and a tiny waist, fair skin, super nice hair, big eyes and stuff, with so many guys and girls saying she's pretty and stuff, and she comes to tell you that she thinks she is very ugly actually and she don't believe a single thing people say, and that she is fat and stuff. Oh gosh, if you are ugly like that, what am I? SHIT? Not even worth a look then at all! I'm a tiny ant, waiting to be stepped on and killed anytime?

Be contented with what you have okay, I would be very happy if I have those statistics and look that pretty. You aren't making people's lives easier by saying stuff like that. I don't know how many other girls you can kill by saying it to them. Next time, if you speak to someone less aesthetically created than you, you should use your brains cells more.


Tuesday, September 4, 2007 Y 9:06 AM


Hello everyone! If you know of people who are renting houses, rooms or whatever, or you have any webbies I can go to, tell me okie? It's not for me, but for the dear gal in Office 2, she's need a room or house to move in immediately.

And if you know, do tell me okie? It's urgent, else dear gal will go back to Ozzie soon! And we will all miss her!


Y 8:14 AM


Way Back Into Love

I've been living with a shadow overhead
I've been sleeping with a cloud above my bed
I've been lonely for so long
Trapped in the past
I just can't seem to move on

I've been hiding all my hopes and dreams away
Just in case I ever need them again someday
I've been setting aside time
To clear a little space in the corners of my mind

All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love
Oh oh oh

I've been watching but the stars refuse to shine
I've been searching but i just don't see the signs
I know that it's out there
There's got to be something for my soul somewhere

I've been looking for someone to shed some light
Not somebody just to get me through the night
I could use some direction
And I'm open to your suggestions

All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love
And if I open my heart again
I guess I'm hoping you'll be there for me in the end

Oh oh oh

There are moments when I don't know if it's real
Or if anybody feels the way I feel
I need inspiration
Not just another negotiation

All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love
And if I open my heart to you
I'm hoping you'll show me what to do
And if you help me to start again
You know that I'll be there for you in the end

Oh oh oh


Once upon a time ago, not too long ago, this was what I'm feeling. Sometimes, I still wonder have I really found my way back to love again?

How you know that someone love you?


Monday, September 3, 2007 Y 1:00 AM


Just because you don't like me, it doesn't means you should skip having communication with me and tell everyone else that you aren't coming to work. Just because you said I spoilt your perfect weekend, doesn't means you have to purposely go on a strike to show how bad I indeed spoil your weekend. I have no intentions to fight against a grown and elderly woman, yes, elderly as I said. I do not see why I should do the same back as you. I'm saying if you do such measures to me, then you get proper office measures to ensure that you communicate to me, your supervisor, properly. Else, any information not conveyed to me will be classfied as I don't know. I don't think it's hard to pick up the phone to call me when I stressed many times to call my personal phone. And thanks to you, I have told everyone not to help you all pass messages, but you all have to come to directly to me to seek for permission. I think you deserve it, whether you like me or not, you still have to talk to me.

Heard of atopic dermatitis? Yeah, that's what I'm having now. My stupid face has decided to act up on me again, with itch, redness, flakiness and patches, and pain stinging on the face. My ward staff are shocked by my horrendous looking face. I must have looked like shit really, real UGLY and FUGLY. Boo, bleah, sob sob, I hate to look ugly when I'm already ugly, and that I have to top up with being more ugly.

I watched Pan's Labyrinth yesterday with my cousins at my house. It's a Spanish show I think. Anyway, it's such a twisted fairy tale that left me wondering whether the girl was really in contact with twisted fairy tale creatures or she had imagined it all along, cause in the end, she died, and there is no proof to say whether she really went to the underworld to meet her real parents or she just simply died. Plus this fairy tale is about creatures from underworld and that Princess Moanna, is a princess from underworld. So twisted and dark. Kinda like Brothers Grime, which was also twisted fairytales.

What was really gross in Pan's Labyrinth are not the twisted and horrible looking creatures, but how cruel that the Captain just goes around killing and torturing people. In a part where he was trying to get this guerilla to speak, he actually brought out hammer, pincers, screw drivers as tools to torture the person. And how he mercilessly killed two innocent farmers before he even bothered to check whether they are guerillas, and he blamed it on his soldiers for not doing their job well hence causing him to kill innocent. He even shot the little girl (the main character in the story). Frankly speaking, I was very happy that he died, he deserved it. And he was dumb to ask the rebel to tell his son when he grew up about how great his father died, to which the rebel only replied: He wouldn't even know your name. See, he's so dumb, that rebel hated him so much, why would she tell his son about him? Plus he actually cause the death of his wife (whom was very dear to the rebel) and the daughter (which the rebel dotes on alot).

Heh, I saw Night Watch in Play.....I wanna watch Night Watch cause I heard it's good! And I saw Paris Je'taime too which CY said it was good.

Till now i shall just go sleep so I wouldn't scratch my face, it's so itchy :(


Saturday, September 1, 2007 Y 9:02 AM


I had a lousy Friday this week, well it was nice in overall, given that I had many nice things that happened. Only one lousy incident spoil my feelings and silly me, cried over the incident. I felt that I was being accused that I didn't do my job properly, and that I didn't respect people's privacy. Sigh, well thanks to my dear friends and bf who counseled me on the issue. Yeah, well, I did my best I could, I can't please everyone, especially if people are just trying to be difficult. I only wished I didn't had to cry to myself.

Anyway, I went to Changi Airport on Fri for community outing. It was very cathartic to walk around the airport, observing people around and watching the planes take off and land on ground. It was fun taking the sky train and watching air stewards/stewardesses walking around.

Met Azi on Fri evening too, spent the night with her and thank her so much that she was there to be with me, else I would be feeling very very sad due to that stupid incident. Mr Lim came by to, looked like crap with all the lack of sleep, but it's real sweet of you to come even though you are so tired and it was so late. Thanks very much!

Slept half of my Sat away, I think I was really stressed, I kept dreaming of setting appraisal targets with my staff and faces of them kept appearing. Glad that there was someone there beside me to accompany me else I would have woken up in shock. Knowing that your presence was there, I was really able to sleep better and well. Caught Ratatouille! It's a very very nice cartoon film, nice food, funny parts, truly catchy and entertaining.

Watched Zodiac on DVD too. It was a nice film but it was so slow at certain parts, I couldn't stop fidgetting around. I nearly wanted to fall asleep if I just sit there in the same position.

I can't wait for my holidays to come by, seriously I really want a break, I can't stand the stress I'm facing now. I have so little caseload, which I'm stressed over it and I have so many admin work. I hate this totally. Trying to increase my caseload by doing more extra things that aren't within my clinical load next month. So looking forward to my leave on the 10th yeah.





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