I AM REALLY VERY VERY VERY UPSET TODAY!!!! I'm really in a ranting mood. First of all, I'm still very upset by my grandma's death and when I came back from the funeral, I was presented with a childish argument between 2 matured adults that eventually placed me as the centre of all blame!

Let's see, it started with someone, A, placing her important documents in a file in an open space. While she was away and I was away on compassionate leave, someone, B, came into the store, which alot of people witnessed it. The following day when A is back, she found out that her file is missing and she accused B of stealing the file. B denies that he stolen it.

As such, a big hoo ha came out of it. A complained to practically everybody she knows about it and also complained to our outpt section leader head. B, on the other hand, called me and so call told me what A has complained to our leader.

I was really upset by wat B told me, though I couldn't believe it for 100% for sure, as this is a way for them to get back with each other. But it has certainly been put across to me that I didn't care about my staff's welfare, I didn't bother to help out to do any work and I was overloading A with too much work.

I was really upset when I heard that for there are many reasons to. Firstly, I am not doing the patient register as I am not in the store 24/7. I don't only run one single program, I have another program to run and I have groups and initial interviews to do too. It's more logical for A to record the patients attendance when she is in charge of the store right? Secondly, she could have brought the attendance up to my office everyday for me to lock it but she says it's too tedious to do so, so she rather keep it at her store. I mean, you can't expect me to go down from my office everyday, at 5 pm to collect a file from my subordinate??? I have meetings and other things to do at those time. I'm not free everyday, just sitting there.

Thirdly, I am not doing the timetabling of patients because when I used to do it last time, she will just change the timetable despite I rostered the patients. So if that is the case, it's might as well she do it since she changes almost everything I do. Fourthly, if she thinks that she is doing too much work at the store, and it should be done by me, then why do I need her there? The reason why I need her there is to do basic admin work and train the patients, while I interview patients, assess them, see them individually and in groups and also assess whether they have improved.

Fifthly, she complained she also have to assess whether patients improved in their customer service. Is that too much to ask? It's her performance target to achieve improvement of the patients, so it's better if she does the assessment so she is more aware of it. I'm not asking alot, I'm just asking you to help me run it because I'm really busy. If you can't even do that, simply tell me, dun backstab me.

Why can't people grow up and be more sensible and have less polictics? It hurts when you want to backstab others and you dragged others in the story too, just to gain pity for yourself. It's not as if I'm in the best of mood too, and you had to take advantage while I'm on compassionate leave.

People only know how to talk without thinking for others. I wish I talk more then think more and then I wouldn't end up in such a loser state.

4 weddings and a funeral. Year 2006.

There was only 3 times in my life when tears can just flow uncontrollably - when grandma got a stroke, when my ex left me last year and today, when grandma left us.

I was glad that I took up occupational therapy, as motivated and inspired by what happened to you.

I was glad I was able to use what I have learned in my course to help you and my family members out.

I was glad that I celebrated my last CNY with you in 2006.

I was glad I saw you yesterday, cuz you responded to me when I called you.

I was glad that you took your last meal yesterday, with me around.

I was glad that I was here today to accompany you till the moment you left us.

I was glad that you looked peaceful when you left us.

I'm regretful that you couldn't attend my wedding.

I'm sorry that you did not have a great grandchild and that you couldn't see him/her when he/she is born.

Yet, when all this happens, I will nv forget you and I pray that you will be there with me to share the happy moment.

I will miss you, Grandma.

Pray that you will be happy in heaven and bless us with your love. Bless Grandpa with all your love that he will live on strongly and happily. He misses you alot when you are gone but we will do our best to keep him busy and happy.

Because deep down, you are always in our heart, never forgotten.

Once upon a time, in a land not too far away, a fragile old lady was lying on her bed, barely with any breath left. The old lady was ill, impaired by a devastating illness that took all her energy away. As she lies on her deathbed, she called out to her son. "Please, my child, call for your father. Please ask him to come back to me before I leave this world", the old lady told her son.

The old lady is dying and she knew she had to see her husband for one last time. The old man was miles away from home, flourishing their home business in another state. The obedient son went away from his mother's deathbed and sent a telegram to his father, urging him to come home immediately.

The old man received the telegram and flew home immediately. He sat by his wife's side and whispered: "I'm home, dear. I will stay here with you". With the old man's company by side, the old lady's health improved as days passed by and death does not seem as near as before. The family rejoiced with joy but alas, misfortune does not seem to have left the family. The old man was called upon to the magistrate and was sentenced to exile. He will stay in his country, in his state, never being able to set foot into other countries and states again. He was to be punished, to be beaten up by the soldiers. He was beaten up so badly that he could only lie in bed for days.

With both parents ill and sick on the bed, the children have to take up the burden of feeding the family. The youngest daughter of the family, whom has never ever worked before, for father was so rich and the family was doing so well, started on her journey of life. A life filled with hardship and work. She had to work and suffer to earn pennies for the family, for father could no longer work, and mother's life is edging closer to death.

She took on the hard life as well as she could, never complaining about her troubles and pains. A girl who was once so well to do has now been reduced to rags. She worked hard everyday, from day to night, and eventually from a rich and pampered child, she became a woman that could brave through life hardships.

Not too far away, a poor boy was walking back home from work. He was tired and hungry. He has not a single penny in his pocket and only a meagre dinner is waiting for him back home. This, is the boy's everyday life. He's poor soul whose family has to work hard to earn pennies. Tomorrow, he will be going to another state, to look for his wife who was betrothed to him in childhood. He was worried, for you see, his betrothed wife's has a rich family, and he, he has nothing at all. Would she still want to marry him when she knows that he is a pauper? He shudders at the thought of it and trudge his way home.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As it turns out, the betrothed wife was the youngest daughter of the old man and old lady. If she never had accepted the pauper, there would never be a me. Yes, if you are wondering, that is the love story of my grandparents, one story that I only got to know about it 25 years later in my life.

The youngest daughter married the pauper with no regrets, for she knows that it's more important to have a heart than cents. As my grandfather has put it, "Her mother was the cause of all misfortune for her. For if she has not hurried his father to rush home, he will not be exiled and then your grandmother would never suffered so much. Years of hardship with her family, with me, and now, with her illness. Life is just so hard on her". The regret that could be heard in his voice and the sadness in his heart that grandmother is going through pain and suffering again. And then he said suddenly: "But I wonder, if she has never gone through this, then she would never have met me or chose me as her husband. Then we would have never been together. Maybe this is just life, just meant to be". And I saw him smile in the sunset, so beautifully and lovingly.

It was just then that I realise, what could be more beautiful then having your partner by your side, even though you are in the depths of pain and troubles, to accompany you till the day your life ends. To always remember you and feel for you for everything that you have gone through. What could be more sweet than having to have someone you love till the days when your hair turns white, when you lose your beauty and probably sanity? My grandpa is certainly no Cassonova, not someone who can speak romantically, but his love, has truly touched me. It is from the older generation that you learn to keep love so sacredly to your heart.

So with the story in mind, I set foot to my own journey of life. Grandpa, Grandma, I really love you and appreciate you alot. Your lessons have always been meaningful and fruitful. I will always remember you as how you are, for love is kept close to my heart and never forgotten.

End of a week of going out marathon. I was out almost every single day except today, where I really slack at home. Actually, I was babysitting.

Caught a Hindi movie on Friday. Haven't watched one in ages since I last came back from Ozzie. Too long a name, so I can't remember what is it but I know it has 2 of my fav actors/actresses: Shah Rukh and Preity Zintah. Also my fav old guy Abitchan and Arjun Rampal as cameo appearances. I nv forgot how long hindi movies could be. 3 hours were spent in Yishun 10 without a single intermission! Anyway it was about marital affairs which I dunno whether I should feel sorry or sad or angry about. Sometimes when you grow older, you just learn to be more empathetic for people and you can just say it's wrong or right about things.

Saw my colleague's baby on Sat! The 1st baby to our IMH OTD family! Ooohhh, he's so small and cute! And he's so flexible and soft...but carrying him was fun...and playing with him was fun...though he probably couldn't see us since he's only 1 month old. It's funny how people changes when they have a baby...it's such a lovely sight to see her with her baby, something so soft about her that I nv seen b4, which is really a great change.

I suppose it was kiddo's day that day cuz shortly after, my mom called me on my phone and Lat started telling me that she is going to stay over at my house. So tat was one night of being kicked in bed again and countless times of watching vcds. I love the 2 kiddos, having them around was so much livelier. Kinda missed their presence now that they have gone home.

Pleasant matters keeps coming up this few months. Newborn baby, marriages and D&D. Geez, I just realise something, I'm in a new phase of life now.

I'm so dead tired....I just realised that going out everyday during the weekdays just plainly equals to suicide. I'm now so dead, sleeping at 12 everyday...I'm so antisocial...because I rather sleep at home and recuperate.

I had buffet on Tuesday, a treat from my boss, and I'm full of otah, desserts and prawns.

I just watched Sophie Scholl yesterday and I was disgusted that people have no human rights to freedom in the past during the war times.

I just went to Santiago again to browse through the bride's and groom's photos. Cool, getting married is certainly very expensive.

I'm just plain tired and yet waiting for my hair to dry before I could sleep. Duh, hair can be quite a bothersome thing in your life at time. That is if u have long hair and u want to have nice hair.

It has been such a sinful weekend that just past by. Lots of eating and not much exercising. I have been slacking too much. It was a great wkend though, cuz I got to spend time with my long time friends from poly and jc.

It was poly day on Sat. As usual, our fav haunt is partyworld's ktv at Orchard. We nv do get sick of that place huh but yet we always have a great time together. We had a sumptous meal at Ju Ju Hokkaido Restaurant (yeah! finally got to visit it again) which was really fulfilling as this time round, I ate more food then the last. It's always great to hang out with my poly mates cuz we can just chat non stop despite that we have not met for long.

It was JC day on Sun. Met up with cy, binks and bro at this place at Lock Road. It's called Villa Bali (if u want pics, look at binks' blog). It's really a very nice place to chill out! I love the floor seats with the comfy slanted back cushions. I just love to sit on the floor, so oriental and traditional. The food was so so though, nothing fantastic but the ambience was really good. Got to bring the gals go there next time round. There's also alot of other nice places that are there, like Torquiose Room, Ottori Restaurant, Grand Peony Restaurant, The Shop House etc., all located in this quiet nature land. Let's go there and venture out other places next time ok?

Yeah, The Face Shop is at Causeway Point now, so happy. Makes it easier for me to get all the yummy masks...I don't eat it but their names sounds yummy, and my yummy strawberry bath and lotion.

I found this gay anime called Kyou Kara Maou...damn weird...most of the time they have gay jokes but it's damn funny...especially some of the things that happened in the show...like when u slap someone it's consider a proposal haha. Can you imagine if that is true in real life? I can't imagine cuz I always slap my younger cousins in the past for fun hahaha...I must have so engaged then.

Looking through Binks's blog reminded me of something that I didn't blogged about tat time cuz my com was down.

Yes, it's about that Marina Sq HK restaurant, whom I can't even bother to rem the name. Hereby, I would advise ppl like Kris not to frequent it becuz the service suxs totally.

I remembered ordering food for 3 persons and we kept getting the wrong dishes served to us. I was really hungry that time and I heard that the food was nice in that restaurant, so I was really anticipating my food to be served. It was bad enough that they kept adding fire to my temper by serving the wrong dishes again and again, that we had to keep calling for the waiter/waitress to ask about our orders, that the last waiter whom is also the supervisor just plainly try to avoid our table and it was so obvious that he is cuz he just plainly ignored us even though we called for him. Who can help it if your food takes 1 BLOODY HOUR to be served to you and ppl whom came later then you, whom ordered exactly the same food got served before you???!!!

Knowing Miss Caiwei as the 'real nice' person, I did wat was most expected of me. I simply told the manager that I dun want to eat that dish anymore when it was served to me, yet politely and curtly, I said to him: "I waited for 1 hour for this to arrived, I have no interest to eat this anymore". Followed by which we foot the bill and I said at the counter: "I rather go to a fast food restaurant to have my dinner where it gets served so much faster". And I did! I went to Yoshinoya where I had my food served in 5 mins and I paid so much lesser for a satisfying meal.

And so you can see, Miss Shirley will nv ever step into that restaurant again cuz it's now on my boycott list.

P.S: It's my class gathering today but I didn't go. I have nothing to say to the people whom are going. Who cares anyway?

What would you wish for if you know that your life is coming to an end? Will you fall into the depths of depression or live against death as courageously and fulfilling as you can? Would you hold grudges against those that go against your wish to die? Would you give up life and just try to stage a self fulfilling death through suicide?

Tough as it may sounds but it's really a battle between the dying one and the loved ones. The conflicts experienced by each one of them and yet having no solutions to it. I see that I can fully understand both sides but yet, as the objective of counselling describes, you can only facilitate someone out of a problem and find their own solutions, advice never comes from the counsellor. You can listen, be empathetic, try to bring them through the problems but whether there is a solution, really depends on whether the person wants to find a solution. You can stay there, in that trouble, never getting out of it, if you don't want to move out of it.

Similarly, for death, you can fall into the depths and give up life gradually, and no one will be able to convince you, for you are the one that makes the choice, for you chooses that solution. Is it your fault then? No, it's just human nature, a form of coping strategy, one kind of it to deal with impending doom. Or you can try to fulfill things that you nv done b4, for it is also your choice.

I wish that there was an occupational therapist, or even a counsellor who deals with death, to walk through such issues with the dying and their family for the remaining time. It's a shame that Singapore doesn't have one, for we are missing one big important aspect.

If you think that I'm grieving for the coming loss of someone, then you are half right. I am and I do grieve at times. I am and I do get angry with why people give up life but yet I do understand that when you have nothing more left with what you can do, such bare minimal, it's hard not to fall in darkness. Yet, a big part of me, does not grieve because I fully perceive and understand what is happening. Whether it was you gave up life, whether it was the dilemma of caring personally or professionally.

I'm a healthcare professional and I see why I am made to one. I saw your emotions and I was able to empathise. Thank goodness that I was made to be one, for I saw through everyone, and I understood, and I didn't blame them for what they have done. You did the best in such circumstances, in what I could see. Whoever it is, the dying or the living, I pray that strength comes to you, to guide you through the path of light. I pray that you will forgive yourself. I pray that you will be blessed in afterlife. I pray that you will go through grieve. And I pray that, me, as a healthcare professional, will be fully able to be by all of your side, and try to fulfill whatever support that I could give.

Life is just like a melody, with ups and downs but if you play the melody over and over again, what goes around comes around. The ups will be gone and the downs will come. The downs will go and the ups will come. This is just life, as beautiful as it can be. What's life is you dun have tears to touch your heart, joy to warm your heart and love to fill your heart? Life is just a desire to live, choices to make and death to complete it. Life is just what I am living through now.

Ah! Now it's "Ah! My Goddess" craze now.

I found this vcd shop near my house that rents one vcd for $3 for 3 days and one drama serial vcd for 80 cents or 1 dollar. Coolz...new way to save money and can watch lotsa movies and drama!

Signing off,
The typical day of a typical life of a typical person....awww so boring.

Full Moon Wo Sagashite - Eternal Snow

Kimi wo suki ni natte Dorekurai tatsu no kaNA?
Kimochi Fukurande yuku bakari de
Kimi wa Kono omoi kidzuiteiru no kana?
Ichido mo kotoba ni wa Shitenai kedo

Yuki no youni Tada shizukani
Furitsumori Tsudzukete yuku

Hold me tight Konna omoi nara
Dareka wo suki ni naru kimochi
Shiritaku Nakatta yo
I love you Namida tomaranai
Konnan ja Kimi no koto
Shirazuni ireba Yokatta yo

Kimi wo itsumade omotteiru no kaNA?
Tameiki ga mado GARASU(Glass) Kumoraseta

Yureru kokoro Tomosu KYANDORU(Candle) de
Ima Tokashite Yukenai kaNA?

Hold me tight Oreru hodo tsuyoku
Kogarashi Fubuki ni deatte mo
Samukunai youni to
I miss you Kimi wo omou tabi
Amikake no Kono MAFURAA(Muffler)
Konya mo hitori Dakishimeru yo

Eien ni furu yukiga aru nara
Kimi he to tsudzuku kono omoi Kakuseru no kaNA?

Hold me tight Konna omoi nara
Dareka wo suki ni naru kimochi
Shiritaku Nakatta yo
I love you Mune ni komiageru
Fuyuzora ni sakebitai
Ima sugu kimi ni Aitai yo

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I'm falling in love with you, and which will come to pass?
Will the feeling do nothing but swell, or
Will you notice it
Even though I've never said anything?

Like snow, but quietly
It continues to pile up

Hold me tight if I think like this
I didn't want to know
What it was like to fall in love with someone
I love you; my tears won't stop
Therefore, I should be free of you

How long will I keep thinking of you?
My sigh makes the window glass fog up

Now, a burning candle
Can't melt my shaking heart anymore?

Hold me tight, strong enough to break me
If we meet in a biting cold blizzard
I won't feel cold, and
I miss you everytime I think of you
This scarf that I knit for you
I'm holding it alone tonight

If there were an eternally falling snow
This feeling I have for you, could I hide it?

Hold me tight if I think like this
I didn't want to know
What it was like to fall in love with someone
I love you; my chest fills up
I want to cry out to the winter sky
I want to see you now

It is Ting's birthday celebration today, though we didn't really celebrate much. Just went to Azabu Sabo to have a meal during dinner time.

In Taiwan, Azabu Sabo is a really chic place with lotsa canvas cloth hanging around, which kinda creates this relaxed atmostphere. In case you are wondering how I know it since I nv been to Taiwan b4, this was told to me by my colleague from Taiwan.

In Singapore, it is a different story though. Though it was called "Ma Pu Cang Ting", you dun see any canvas clothe around. It was just open space with chairs and sofa seats and a big lamp. Not a very chic and nice ambience. The food was fabulous though, although I was much more interested in the gravy and rice than my tempura. The cold soba and unagi are nice! Check out, it is unagi, something which I detest eating but I'm actually saying it is nice. It's not to my liking though cuz the fishy taste is too strong but the flavouring is just nice.

The desserts are extremely tempting and irresistable. We had soft ice cream with mango and milk, and soft ice cream with dumplings. A little too sweet but it's so heavenly tasty! Like Xiaowen has put it, "next time we shall just came here for dessert". Yes, it is that tempting and delicious till you want to step in just for dessert.

The only minus point was that the waiting time was a little too long though. It could have been better if it was faster.

Coincidentally, Ting and I gave our presents to each other in the same paper bag, from Tomato Can! I placed her present in the Tomato Can paper bag cuz I didn't want to lug around an ugly Watsons' bag, whereas she really bought a bag from Tomato Can and gave it to me. It kinda looked like we just shopped in Marina Square's Tomato Can =p.

It was also fireworks time today so after dinner, we actually get to see beautiful fireworks for about 5 mins (missed the 1st 10 mins cuz was settling the bill). It was an enchating moment, watching the fireworks spread out in the sky and falling back to the ground, with pretty colours. You could practically hear ppl going "ooh", "wow", "ahhh". Sorta reminded the times when I was in Ozzie, standing at Flat 3 balcony and exclaiming the same thing with my housemates. In Ozzie, we got to watch fireworks numerous times, owing to graduation ceremony of our fellow sch mates. And that was real lovely, cuz you get to see fireworks from your house.

I guess the best part of the day was the joke made by YL. Fancy that he could actually mistook someone he knew so well for another person, in person some more! And that he could actually tell me that I looked no difference from the last time he seen me. I suspect he is really hallucinating or delusional or it's time he really need to change his specs but nevertheless, he did brightened up our day alot!

Tat was one good facial muscles exercise ;p.

P.S: Full Moon is really very very nice!!! Awww, so sad...sob sob.

Hey dudes! I have curly hair now. I officially looked like an auntie haha. My mates said I looked way better with my straight school girl hair. I think I looked like an auntie though lolx. Auntie or not auntie, I still like the hair...haha it surprises me that after I permed it, I really think i like the very very curly hair. Next time, when my hair is longer, I will perm the bottom even more curly.

The sore throat syndrome is on it's attack again. I have gotten it from my colleagues whom are all sick and taking MC or leave respectively to rest at home. My turn to rest at home today, slept all the way from yesterday night till this evening 7 pm, waking up just to drink water and take medications occasionally. Fully recharged and energetic now! Muz have been tired out by the zoo trip and outing on Sat with Yoges and Azi.

Oh speaking of which, Yog and Azi treated me to a body massage treat at Spa Estheva! Wow, it was really nice of them to do so. Thank you ladies! I really enjoyed the 1 hour body massage, so pampering and relaxing. Heh, now recommending it to the other girls so I can go again lolx.

Current vcd craze is Princess Hours aka Gong OR Wo De Ye Man Wang Fei. Finished 100 episodes of my Saiyuki Gensomaden + Reload + Reload Gunlock. Also gg on to anime craze 2, full moon sagashite. Waiting for Full House vcds from LS too. Geez, found great ways to spend my days at home now. Happy Happy.

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