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Tuesday, February 3, 2009 Y 9:50 AM


The gap between us is getting wider and wider. Each of us chasing after different dreams (do i have dreams in the first place?).

Is this what I want?

One things solved slowly at a time. Just not sure whether the person after everything is the person that used to be. It may be a totally different person, no longer how it was before.

After everything, will I still be the same old me? Or will I be different?

The gap is being widen bigger and bigger as you become more sure of things and I become more lost and confused.

Sometimes people drift apart because of dreams....especially people who slide backwards in dreams. I feel like I'm sliding backwards now.

Is this the same person who will go thru thick and thin with me? I don't know. Perhaps the me after recovery will never be the same anymore, someone with probably a different thinking or attitude, someone who may not be the same person that you have fallen in love with.

What you may love is probably the me 2 years ago, not the me that has changed overtime, probably not the me now who certainly do not fit your expectations. (Of course this is just a hypothesis, a form of imaginative linguistic articulation, copying lines from a new movie I just saw.)

Recovery is of upmost important now. Whether people who love me will standby me to go thru thick and thin with me or people who turn around on me and find that I'm not what they expected, I shall learn not to care too much and worry myself with even more things.

I think I have developed a sense of being over suspicious and doubting towards people nowadays. The trust in me no longer there, ever towards people close to me. It is extremely difficult to live and bear with such people, on account I worked with these type of people before.

Bear with me, for I'm working towards recovery. I shall be very thankful to (whatever that is that I believe in spiritually) that I'm still alive, and have not gone to anywhere else besides human life on Earth. I'm thankful to my faint heart that is not exactly that faint but still have some strong desire to live. I'm thankful to people for being supportive and bearing with me. I'm thankful to myself that I took initiative.

Perhaps the gap between us is wider now but it is up to us to work it out.

After I sat down and written a load of things, I realised, I actually didn't know what I was writing about although I felt things but couldn't really convey it.

I have lost the interest to blog and whatever I say here, is some attempt to grasp what I feel and try to put it down overtly.

When things become meaningless to you, what do you do?

When you realised that people around you are all moving forward but you aren't and you really don't want to be stuck, what do you do?

When you realised that the person you love is someone who hates people who doesn't move forward and would never want to start a family with someone like that, and possibly that you will end up somewhere else, what do you do?

I am not contented with just what I have now, but if this thing doesn't get past me, I will never be able to recover and move forward.

My thoughts are really random and I couldn't structure it properly.

Perhaps, that's what you see when you read someone crazy writing things down.





Quote

Yesterday is history
Tomorrow is a mystery
But today is a gift

That is why they call it
"the present."

Prettiesnow XiaoXue

I'm not a girl
Not yet a woman

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