Saturday, November 10, 2007 Y 8:03 AM
I admit that it was my fault for making you angry. I agree that I was in the wrong to do that thing.
But you know, you were very selfish to me too. You cancel our date again because you don't want to see me as you are angry. Time and time again, we have compromise on it that you wouldn't do that to me as I have told you before it is very hurtful. Yet time and time again, you choose to hurt me like that.
It's not that I don't see things your way you know. Your words make sense at times and today I agree your words make sense after we thrash it through, but yet a very deep feeling of hurt lies within me because again, you have chose to cancel our date again.
Time is precious you know, by canceling dates like that on me is not being fair to me. You are wasting my time away like that. I could have a better weekend spent. I could have accompanied my mom, my cousins, my grandpa instead of crying away at home. I could have thrash things out in person with you and still have a good weekend.
Yes, it's different communication styles and I could clearly see our communication styles is very different. I'm honestly very perturbed by it and being me, I can't accept it. Tonight is a long night for me, I have eyes sore from crying too much and I'm battling with myself whether I should really continue the relationship.
Yes, you did say you will still choose me because of the feelings we had and times together. I could bring myself to say the same thing too, because I really felt very good and happy with you and I do love you alot.
But I'm selfish too, I'm petty too. I just couldn't stand how you hurt me over and over again with the same thing that we have talked about. You can ask me not to drink anymore and I could do that for you. You ask me to exercise and I tried exercising though not consistent but I'm putting in effort. Why can't you just put a lil effort in for me and don't do this to me?
It's more hurtful to do this to me you know, how much tears I can flow. I'm wondering whether I'm deluding myself when I tell myself that I really love you and I shouldn't just choose to break up because of small things like that. That I shouldn't mind how much sacrifices that were made. I'm wondering is it right that I have to cry so much all the time.
Truth is, when you are in love, you can't bear to give up. I can't bear to give up honestly. It kills my heart to give you up but to actually bring me to think about seriously breaking up, it spells something you know.
Although I know, I would most probably choose to hold on to you tomorrow and even if you ask me now, I would most probably choose that. There's some nibbling part of me that is querying though. Convince me please... or maybe I wasn't worth to be convinced. Sigh, dunno being too emo can't think straight.
I regret on what I have said to you, mean things that I totally regret. I regret suggesting a break up but then honestly, it was really what I felt, I felt so upset and despondent that I couldn't continue on with it anymore. I am really truly very lost, and I really would really appreciate if you could guide me along better.
Sigh, why does my weekend has to turn out like this?
