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Saturday, July 28, 2007 Y 10:05 AM

We had a gathering session on Friday with LS. Ivy, Joyce, LS and me. We ended up at Pasta Cafe, as Joyce have not tried it before. Ivy and I had a heart to heart talk cuz we were both waiting for the other 2 to turn up. Soon, the other 2 turned up and Joyce, as usual, was really noisy and started the snippets of conversations. It was revolving about work mostly, and I felt even more stressed after all those conversations. I felt that I have an obligation to do my new duties well cuz they kept saying that the person who took my position originally did not do a good job.

Been feeling stressed ever since I found out that I have tons of work to do and I don't seem to be able to cope with it alone. I'm envious that the outpatient sector
has 2 persons to support and lead the team together, that they are huddle up together, discussing about stuff. I wished I had someone that I could huddle up to and discuss about things too. Very unfortunately, as we all get up to a certain level, you can't expect everyone to be the same as before. I can't huddle up and discuss things with the 2 outpatient leaders (whom used to be very close working colleagues in the team) because we all have our own conflict of interests, we have different things to think and worry about, and we have different things to deal with.

I feel that they are always discussing things together and that even during private lunch time, they are still discussing about outpatient stuff, and that leaves me out of no where, because we don't share similar things now. They are so engrossed and dependent on each other that they forgot they have friends too in the department. Naturally that is saddening, because with the so many duties that I have to take on, I was hoping that I can relate to someone whom are my levels, but they seemed to have forgotten this friend, because now, she is an inpatient leader and she should hang out more with the inpatient people. And I can't relate to my inpatient people too, certain things at supervisory level aren't suppose to be communicated to them, although we are all OTs.

You know, I feel so alone, because I'm the only person up there managing it by myself, whereas the other 2 have each other support. My only support comes from my boss, whom is not really very effective in doing that cuz she is really busy with her own work too. I have staff whom are looking up to me for support too, and hoping that I can relish them from some of their workload too.

I haven't even officially taken over and I'm already stressed out and tired by things. I want to talk to someone, you know. Someone to listen to me, to hear my complains, to console me or to destress with me. Someone whom can understand what is going on or at least appear to understand.

And I felt bad about it, cuz I have kinda taken it out on you. There are simply too many things on my mind that makes me edgy and that issue was really bothering me when I was edgy with so many things. I know you are tired and stressed too, but I really have to get one matter off my mind when I'm still able to handle stress relatively well. Sorry dear, I don't mean to stress you out with things but you know, I was really glad to see you today, cuz it really made my day. I really appreciate you for being so nice and withstanding my nonsense. Days of increasing stress and not seeing you really made me stressed out and edgy. Cuz you know, when I'm with you, I'm me. I am not anyone's supervisor, not anyone's colleague, just me....I don't have to act superior, and I get well taken care of. I can be myself naturally and happily.

And I was really glad that XM came over to stay too, at least there was someone to accompany me and I could take my mind off things.


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