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Tuesday, June 12, 2007 Y 7:07 AM


How do you make someone feel more secure in a relationship? How do you exorcise that feeling of insecurity?

Sometimes I think I'm paranoid you know but then I don't know why, please don't ask me why, that I just feel really insecure with regards to particular someone. I wonder is it because they are something that we can never be? You know, the lovable, cute, sweet, friendly, everyone likes type. Is that why we feel uncomfortable then?

I mean, it makes sense that you feel insecure about someone when they posed a threat to you but why do they pose a threat? Is it they are someone we are not? Is it because you don't trust enough? Is it because you are just being plain silly? Or is it because you have no confidence of yourself? Or is because they can make the special someone happier than when he/she is with you? Or is it because they are more similar and you just feel like an extra?

You know some people when you meet them, they just seem so much superior and better than you? And they have everything that you don't have (well it appears that way, at least what we thought sometimes), and they just seem to suit better with some people rather than you?

I'm thinking if I know the answer to the above, then I'll probably find the answer that I seek. Seriously, even my bestie doesn't knows why she feels insecure when her someone hangs out with particular someone too. Even Kris has a particular someone that she doesn't likes Ernest to hang out with, and you know all these particular people that we don't like, they just happened to be who your guy likes most to hang out with.

And guys, they don't understand why we feel that way, they just think we are paranoid, makes us think that we are developing some kind of mental illness like schizophrenia. No wonder people say that people in love are crazy.

Bestie says it's probably because as girls, we wanna feel special and be loved by our special someone, not having their attention on other people of the same gender, that's why we probably feel threatened in situations like that. Kris says it simply irritates the hell out of her whenever he spends his time with the girl and giving her special attention.

Jayson says my attention is still on my gf, reassuring her alot although I'm out with another girl, that's what I need to do to although it means alot more work, but it really reassures her. I really like the way he said it to me:"I will msg her to tell her who I'm with, where I'm going, what I'm doing and then what time will I be roughly home. And I will msg her when I'm home to tell her I'm home and what I did". It really impressed me when he said that, I was going like "wow, you really report to her about everything, isn't that tedious?". And he was like, "would you feel secure if I do anything lesser than that?"

It reminded me of a phrase that I saw in Mars vs Venus, time crawls when you know she is another man. You know, time really crawls, and I really feel bored when you are with another girl. Haha, probably because I'm free, alone, at home, got plenty of time to think about what you both are actually doing, and girls being girls with wild imagination can crap up lots of crap stories in their heads.

And then I start to understand why there was this gf of mine, whom goes out with guys every time whenever her bf is out with another girl, she said it was to kill time cuz by doing that, she wouldn't need to think about what they are doing. But why guys? Why can't go out with girls? She said it was because guys are more readily available to ask them out. And I always questioned whether that's a good way to cope with the situation, cuz that's like playing with fire right? Although I can understand that it does feels a bit unpleasant in such situations, isn't there better way to cope with it then using this method?

But I do understand one thing, you may think logically as a female, but your heart rules your head often. You know it's not right to do that, but you still do silly things cuz you were upset, angry, not happy at that moment of time. But when it's over, you realise things just become worser than better. I'm glad that I do have a good certain degree of self control, at least I will only throw tantrums, but I wouldn't be so silly to resort to really silly measures.

See how much crap I can just think of over one issue of insecurity? I should just go to sleep. Freaking wish that my mother had came home early with dinner, so that I don't have to sit down here and crap over issues like this. But I already did.





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