Friday, December 30, 2005 Y 6:54 AM
Okie I 'fessed up that I cried last nite at 1.15am but it was short...say about 15 mins? Managed to calm myself down and rethink of my behavior. Today was great so far...yepz though a lil emotional when I went to watch The Family Stone but it was okie =).
I had a rather great day today...considering the fact that I finished my lunch and ate dinner and breakfast too =). I got a nice bangle from my student =). I finally finished taking a student successfully =).
I had a crazy impulse to do something to my hair...to go for a new look...then again I didn't want to cut it short...I wanna grow it long...guess I juz have to be patient...well no doubt I do look horrible now but tat's all I can do.
I went to catch The Family Stone. It was a really nice movie. Simple and nice. Feel so sad for Sarah Jessica Parker when she said "Nobody loves me". I kinda feel that way too...
not referring to my friends or family. I feel like nobody really loves me or know how to appreciate me. Tat explains why I'm always ditched or not cared for in a relationship?
Back to the movie, I was quite intrigued by the part where Diane Keaton said she wished that all her sons were gay so that they wouldn't leave her. Imagine how happie the gays and lesbians are if all their parents are like that? I dun supposed I will wished for my son to be gay but it's his choice whether he wants to be hetero or homo. You just can't force someone to love.
Oh yeah, did I tell you that Azi gave me a duck? I was really so happie to get it. She bought it to cheer me up. I'm still very tempted to get the cute lil tortoise to cheer myself up but it's kinda like weird to give myself stuff toys...sigh...no guys ever gave me stuff toys except for CL and that was because of graduation gift (which someone gave him the idea and he's not exactly the person I wanna receive a gift from). Like quite pathetic to be always give myself stuff toys rite? I always buy it for myself sigh...really a sad case yeah.
Perhaps I'm really condemned. I'm condemned that I look attached when I'm very single and and available. I'm condemned that I'm not a person who like flowers or soft toys or cute little things. Which part of my face has all that written on it? Since when my trademark was being independent and can survive on my own w/o being pampered? And till now, I still find it funny that most ppl or rather everyone who knows me says that I'm strong? And then again, ppl say I'm very girlish....how to be girlish and strong and independent at the same time?
And the worse thing is, I looked into the mirror and I find myself looking uglier and uglier...gee...that is real bad. Can someone lie to me and say that I'm pretty? I'm lying to myself now. Oh, and my patients, are lying to me too.
