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Tuesday, December 27, 2005 Y 2:21 AM


I'm now experiencing lost of sleep, appetite and lots of tears. So bad till I'm down with gastric, panda and swollen eyes.

Sigh, I know it's not worth it to be suffering from all these for this person but I also din know that this is what I will be experiencing. I nv knew that this person really meant that much to me either.

This morning I went to see a doctor for gastric and I ended up crying in her room cuz she was trying to ask me what happened. It was pretty funny to c my doc being so concerned about me. She was really patient and kind. Funny thing that now I also have to take the medication that my patients are taking for better sleep and mood.

It's really difficult not to experience those depressive episodes. One moment, I could be happy and then when I hear certain songs or see certain shows, tears will just dropped uncontrollably. It's even worse when I hear my frens showering concern for me. I really feel bad that I have to make them worry for me, text or call me often to check on me, or even coming over to my house just to force me eat.

Glad that my mom dunno, else she will be loading me with food and love and that will make me cry even more. I guess I will have to tell her soon. All those lost of interest in food and leisure sure would ring a bell some day when she is not working full shift, and has tons of time at home to notice it.

It only just bug me more to c that my friends could love me that much and some people dun even care about it. It's not easy to stand up again and I truly now understand how DeDe felt that time.

I truly do believe also that you will only start to trust love again when someone special touched your heart and show desire to care about you again. Till then, I wun know how long it will takes to come or who will come but it's gg to be a long winter, least that will be in my heart.

Well I know ppl have been telling me that it's not my lost in this relationship but then again, you are my friends, you would obviously stand up for me. I dun deny that it does helps me to feel more positive and I love hearing that =)

Once again, thanks to my friends that are willing to share their love with me. Thanks to their partners who feel happy for me. I will try my best to move on and dun disappoint you all but also bear with me my little episodes because it's really not easy for me to let it go just like that.

Waiting for Azi to come my house now. Seriously, it doesn't helps to be an only child when you have traumas and you need a shoulder to cry on. I miss times in Australia now.





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